Most of the Lashon Hara [slander] that women say about their ex husbands or fathers does not have any of the usual kinds of permission one might have when saying something negative about someone else. I mean to say- that there is such a permission as you see in the Hafez Haim concerning lashon hara about issues between man and his fellow man. [There are seven conditions.] There also is a shorter list of conditions when the issue is between man and God. The conditions: To speak to the person first to rebuke him. To see it oneself. Not hearsay. To intend some benefit;-- for instance to warn others. The benefit can not be gained in any other way. Not to exaggerate. To be clear that what one is saying is in fact forbidden according to Torah law. A result of the lashon hara can not be more than if the case was tried in an actual court that judges according to the law of the Torah. Most of what women say about men is intended to get revenge for some imaginary slight. They lack the conditions by which lashon hara is permitted.
[The conditions for saying lashon hara about issues between man and God are different, but similar. There is a note in the Hafez Chaim that goes into this. From what I recall the main difference is that one does not need to see it oneself, but if the sin is "מוחזק" well known and public. Other than that I think all the same conditions apply.
Maybe they just don't know how terrible a sin is slander [lashon hara]. In that case, at least I feel I have done my little bit here to let people know about this issue. Probably I should have written about this before, but I figured people have heard about the prohibition of Lashon Hara already so what could I possibly add? But then it occurred to me that women might think just saying negative things about others especially with intent to cause harm is just not the same thing. Maybe they are mad and that gives them some permission?
Nowadays women consider it a badge of merit if they accuse their fathers and or ex husbands of sexual abuse. I can not understand why they do not read the Hafez Chaim before slandering someone to see if what they are doing is really a badge of merit or the reverse.
