I like to concentrate on my major sins. That is things that I am aware of that seem to have caused bad things in my life.
I figure that there are a lot of requirements in the Torah, but there seems to be a level of responsibility about certain areas.
For example honor of one's parents. If one person has great parents does that imply more responsibility than if than if they were bad parents? At least, based on the book the Obligations of the Heart [חובות לבבות] it would seem so. And for me this seems to be a pattern. It is almost as if God gives me some kind of taste of real excellence, and then waits to see if I walk away from it.
That certainly happened with my parents. It also happened with Israel, and also with a kind of numinous energy that I felt in Israel. And last but not least it happened with learning Torah.
But going back to any of these things seems impossible. There seems to be a kind of energy that prevents one from going back to some state of excellence once he has walked away from it. [Like we see in the Bible that after Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden there were placed angels with swords to guard the path back].
But I did see in three books of Musar a possible correction. The Obligations of the Heart, Reb Israel Salanter and Joseph Yosel Horvitz of Navardok all claim that even if one has sinned to the degree of leading others astray there is a correction. That is to lead people back to the right path.
But that seems to me to be easier said than done. For example I have a hard time advocating any yeshiva--even the great one's like Ponovitch--just because I know they are human institutions with all the drawbacks that go along with that. And honor of parents? This is just as hard to recommend since no everyone has as great a set of parents as I had. Same with learning Torah. Same with Israel.
The best I can think of is to simply try and keep Torah as best I can according to my own situation. But to imagine I can point to some ideal path seems impossible. "כל הדרכים בחזקת סכנה all paths are dangerous." It is just that certain paths are more dangerous than others,
There were a few bits of wisdom that I picked up from my yeshiva years, and from my parents.
One thing I got in Shar Yashuv was this idea: Finish Shas. [That is get through the Oral and Written Law.]
Another there were to things I picked up from Reb Shmuel Berenabum [The Mir Rosh Yeshiva in NY], 1) Learn Torah. 2) Don't speak slander (Lashon Hara.)
From my parents I gained a great respect for Torah and for the learning of Physics and Math and for classical Music and for the value of self sufficiency.
I should give credit to David Bronson my learning partner for the two books on Shas and Bava Metzia. I was so disgusted with with the religious world [and still am] that I could not even bear the thought of opening up a Gemara until David suggested that we learn Gemara together. Also I would not have been able to learn without his help. He was able to find the questions and interesting points in Tosphot that I would normally just skip over. Still, if I mention an answer to a question then that means I myself answered it unless I say specifically that David answered it.
I have respect for great roshei yeshiva like Rav Shach and try to make a distinction between heads of legitimate yeshivas and fakers and frauds. But the difference can be hard to tell since the frauds also like to claim authenticity.]
I figure that there are a lot of requirements in the Torah, but there seems to be a level of responsibility about certain areas.
For example honor of one's parents. If one person has great parents does that imply more responsibility than if than if they were bad parents? At least, based on the book the Obligations of the Heart [חובות לבבות] it would seem so. And for me this seems to be a pattern. It is almost as if God gives me some kind of taste of real excellence, and then waits to see if I walk away from it.
That certainly happened with my parents. It also happened with Israel, and also with a kind of numinous energy that I felt in Israel. And last but not least it happened with learning Torah.
But going back to any of these things seems impossible. There seems to be a kind of energy that prevents one from going back to some state of excellence once he has walked away from it. [Like we see in the Bible that after Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden there were placed angels with swords to guard the path back].
But I did see in three books of Musar a possible correction. The Obligations of the Heart, Reb Israel Salanter and Joseph Yosel Horvitz of Navardok all claim that even if one has sinned to the degree of leading others astray there is a correction. That is to lead people back to the right path.
But that seems to me to be easier said than done. For example I have a hard time advocating any yeshiva--even the great one's like Ponovitch--just because I know they are human institutions with all the drawbacks that go along with that. And honor of parents? This is just as hard to recommend since no everyone has as great a set of parents as I had. Same with learning Torah. Same with Israel.
The best I can think of is to simply try and keep Torah as best I can according to my own situation. But to imagine I can point to some ideal path seems impossible. "כל הדרכים בחזקת סכנה all paths are dangerous." It is just that certain paths are more dangerous than others,
There were a few bits of wisdom that I picked up from my yeshiva years, and from my parents.
One thing I got in Shar Yashuv was this idea: Finish Shas. [That is get through the Oral and Written Law.]
Another there were to things I picked up from Reb Shmuel Berenabum [The Mir Rosh Yeshiva in NY], 1) Learn Torah. 2) Don't speak slander (Lashon Hara.)
From my parents I gained a great respect for Torah and for the learning of Physics and Math and for classical Music and for the value of self sufficiency.
I should give credit to David Bronson my learning partner for the two books on Shas and Bava Metzia. I was so disgusted with with the religious world [and still am] that I could not even bear the thought of opening up a Gemara until David suggested that we learn Gemara together. Also I would not have been able to learn without his help. He was able to find the questions and interesting points in Tosphot that I would normally just skip over. Still, if I mention an answer to a question then that means I myself answered it unless I say specifically that David answered it.
I have respect for great roshei yeshiva like Rav Shach and try to make a distinction between heads of legitimate yeshivas and fakers and frauds. But the difference can be hard to tell since the frauds also like to claim authenticity.]
