There are issues in my life that are inherently ambiguous. After high school I went directly to a great yeshiva in NY of Reb Freifeld. Without that I highly doubt if I ever would have "been able to learn," or to reach any understanding of authentic Torah. Still my parents wanted me to learn a vocation along with Torah and thus this move did not please them. This issue still underscores my ambiguity about this issue until this very day. [It is not that in principle I could not have attended Brooklyn College at the same time--as people were doing anyway in Chaim Berlin. It is rather that Shar Yashuv was very far from Brooklyn College and also I can see today I needed a few years of Torah alone in order to get anywhere. Divided attention would have I am afraid to admit that I would not have gotten anywhere in anything,

Still there are many issues that are related and hard for me today to figure out.Being far from my parents I think was bad for me and for them. I think I lost a lot I could have learned from them, Still as I read in the Torah right after I got to yeshiva that God placed the fiery angels to guard the path to the Tree of Life--that one has to go through hell to get to Torah. And later I saw that also in the two books on Talmud that God granted to me to write. It was with an enormous amount of pain and difficulties that it seems I needed to go through in order to merit to write anything decent in Torah thought.