What goes around comes around. My father wanted to tell me things that I was not ready to hear. And as a result of this I decided to turn off my connection with him. I had a kind of spiritual connection with me mother and a deep love for my father. And that was the only time he had ever used his authority. Never before, nor ever after. And I was not willing to understand that what he was saying was Torah with a vocation. What he was saying was 100% true. But still I could not listen and as a result I lost my connection with him.
For all the years after that I did not feel I had a connection with my father--because of that incident. But when he died some terrible thing happened to me. I felt like I had lost some kind of outer shielding. I had not realized that just by my father being alive and well there was a deeper connection with him than I had consciously been aware of.