The major reason I think that having a girl friend is OK is mainly the two commentaries on the in Even HaEzer that say that even to the Rambam the whole problem is only an איסור עשה a prohibition that is derived from a positive commandment. [That is to say we know this is allowed to the Raavad and Ramban/Nachmanides. The whole question is the Rambam. But even to the Rambam there is no prohibition per se, but rather simply the lack of doing kidushin (the marriage ceremony).]
If you look over there, you will see that Rav Joseph Karo just brings the Rambam, and the Rema brings the opinions that it is allowed. But that is not news. What is interesting is the fact that the two major commentaries on Rav Yoseph Karo [בית שמואל, חלקת מחוקק] both say the Rambam only forbids it from an איסור עשה that is a prohibition that is derived from a positive commandment.
[Much after this someone showed me the Radvaz who says the same thing in some long teshuva [letter].]
See this idea from Chronicles I ch. 2 verse 46.
The reason this is interesting and also important is that not everything people plan on works out the way they expect. Even in marriage. In fact, in marriage I assume most people think hard and think twice before settling on a particular marriage partner,- and even with that it does not always work out the way they expect. Thus this idea of a girl friend is a very positive option.
[Normally I find it a lot better to look at the Tur to clarify difficult issues. The Tur is ambiguous because he brings the Rosh who clearly does not like the idea but from side reasons. That is-- that there is not any prohibition in itself.]
And a further issue is simply that it is not good to be without a wife. So if having a wife is not possible in places like the USA where women are bad news, the best idea is a girl friend.
[Women in the USA have been determined to destroy men ever since around 1990 and on,]
To me it seems that nowadays it is preferable to have a girlfriend rather than a wife. I would rather have someone who comes up to kiss me when I walk through the front door rather than someone who yells at me.
The reason why Calev ben Yefuna having a few girl friends (Chronicles I 2:46) is important is that he was not a king. So we see there is no special status granted to a king in this regard. Having one or more girl friends is perfectly permitted. [The fact of Caleb ben Yefuna is significant since he was a true righteous person. He was the friend of Joshua and one of the spies sent by Moses. But he an Joshua brought back a good report about the Land of Israel. So the act that he had multiple girl friends is significant.]
The proof from Caleb ben Yefuna I found in the Gra's commentary.
If you look over there, you will see that Rav Joseph Karo just brings the Rambam, and the Rema brings the opinions that it is allowed. But that is not news. What is interesting is the fact that the two major commentaries on Rav Yoseph Karo [בית שמואל, חלקת מחוקק] both say the Rambam only forbids it from an איסור עשה that is a prohibition that is derived from a positive commandment.
[Much after this someone showed me the Radvaz who says the same thing in some long teshuva [letter].]
See this idea from Chronicles I ch. 2 verse 46.
The reason this is interesting and also important is that not everything people plan on works out the way they expect. Even in marriage. In fact, in marriage I assume most people think hard and think twice before settling on a particular marriage partner,- and even with that it does not always work out the way they expect. Thus this idea of a girl friend is a very positive option.
[Normally I find it a lot better to look at the Tur to clarify difficult issues. The Tur is ambiguous because he brings the Rosh who clearly does not like the idea but from side reasons. That is-- that there is not any prohibition in itself.]
And a further issue is simply that it is not good to be without a wife. So if having a wife is not possible in places like the USA where women are bad news, the best idea is a girl friend.
[Women in the USA have been determined to destroy men ever since around 1990 and on,]
To me it seems that nowadays it is preferable to have a girlfriend rather than a wife. I would rather have someone who comes up to kiss me when I walk through the front door rather than someone who yells at me.
The reason why Calev ben Yefuna having a few girl friends (Chronicles I 2:46) is important is that he was not a king. So we see there is no special status granted to a king in this regard. Having one or more girl friends is perfectly permitted. [The fact of Caleb ben Yefuna is significant since he was a true righteous person. He was the friend of Joshua and one of the spies sent by Moses. But he an Joshua brought back a good report about the Land of Israel. So the act that he had multiple girl friends is significant.]
The proof from Caleb ben Yefuna I found in the Gra's commentary.
