I mainly hope to walk in the path of my parents

 I should make clear that I mainly hope to walk in the path of my parents, not just because of the commandment of, "Honor your father and mother," but because they were in fact great people. And the sages, in fact, deal with the [more common] issue when one finds that his or her parents are somewhat less than admirable.[See the Tur.] They hold that, "Honor your father and mother" is not a blank check. It just so happens, in my case that I had every reason to walk in my parents path, and to hold that that is what the Torah required of me. 

But I was thinking about this the other day, and it occurred to me that just because one can not run a four minute mile, does not mean the one who does 4.5 is not also great. So even though the exact path of my dad was not really open to me, I think I could have still tried my best. [I imagine that I really could have gone to Cal Tech as he did if I had had the understanding of this being desirable. But in those days long ago, there was a general mood of specially going against one's parents as being the admirable thing.] 

And even with all of that, I still believe that going to Shar Yashuv in NY, and then the Mir were great choices-- where I did learn authentic Torah. The only Torah that is worth learning. After all, one needs the real thing. Only later did it occur to me to make up for my deficit and go to Polytechnic Institute of NYU.

I want to add here a note about Musar. Though my parents had a clear idea of what it means "to be a mensch" [decent person], that is not obvious to most people like myself. That is why we all should learn Musar--the books on ethics from the Middle Ages. Otherwise we get it into our heads that our own obsessions constitute morality. The basic set of Musar is known but here I want to bring the basic titles שערי תשובה, חובות לבבות, מסילת ישרים,אורחות צדיקים [Gates of Repentance, Obligations of the Hearts, Paths of the Righteous, Ways of the Just]That is the basic group. There is always added a fifth but it is not clear what that fifth is. Some add the Sefer HaYira that is attributed to Rabbainu Tam. Some add the Sefer HaMidot. I would like to add the books of the Gra, the Geon of Villna, and of the disciples of Rav Israel Salanter.] (Altogether these give a clear idea of what it means to be a decent human being.) 

 e33 another midi which I found in my old files. And also I found these: t46 r93

 The heart knows things that the head does not know. Rav Nahman pointed this out in the Le.M where he says what the heart says is the very word of God. [He brings a verse that shows this but I forget the verse.] I point this out because in my own case, my head has often deceived me about many important things that my heart knew much better and was screaming at me not to listen to my own ideas. [Rav Nachman says going after one's חכמות wisdoms is a very negative thing.]

 q30 midi file [q30 nwc]  [q30 mp3]This is not recent. It was written in 2015.I have decided to go back and look at old files to share. [I have not been writing anything new. Regrettably] r77 midi file  [r77 nwc]

Gemara in Nida4side b. I was at the sea yesterday and there were a whole bunch of people that seemed to me to have that sense and aroma of Torah to be Litvaks

 I was at the sea yesterday and there were a whole bunch of people that seemed to me to have that sense and aroma of Torah to be Litvaks and so I asked. They said they were. We got into a  discussion and I said I often think about some difficult sugia/subject in Rav Shach while at the sea --but that I was ready to give up on that one I was thinking about for a while laws of what makes a bed and chair unclean 3:7 and laws of forbidden relations 9:3. Then somehow today it suddenly hit me.

It is this the Gemara in Nida4 side b says a stain is unclean retroactively because when she has a cycle sees actual blood not at the time of her cycle, she is unclean retro actively 24 hours. Rav Shach asked "what is the connection". I repeated this question on my blog without mentioning Rav Shach because at that time I had no idea what Rav Shach was saying at all. Now I not only see that this was in fact his question but I see his answer also. And here it is: There are two decrees. One is for a stain. Without a decree this would not even indicate anything because blood does not make a woman unclean unless it come with sensation. So just finding a stain would be nothing. So now we have a decree. But that is a decree that a stain is like seeing. And now we understand the Gemara in nida that ties seeing not at the time of her cycle with a stain. The reasoning is this: when she sees not at the regular time she is unclean back in time 24 hours and now that there is such a thing as being retroactively unclean by seeing actual blood it is therefore possible t make a decree that a stain also should have a law of being unclean retro actively. And that is 24 hours if she sees the stain not at the time of her cycle, and furthermore it goes back to the last time she checked even  more than 24 hours if she has no cycle at all.  

What got me confused was this last point, When is the stain a 24 hour thing and when does it go back further until the last time she checked.

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There are two תקנות. One is for a stain. Without a decree this would not even indicate anything because blood does not make a woman unclean unless it come with sensation. So just finding a stain would be nothing. So now we have a decree. But that is a decree that a stain is like seeing. And now we understand the גמרא נידה that ties seeing not at the time of her cycle with a stain. The reasoning is this: when she sees not at the regular time she is unclean back in time 24 hours and now that there is such a thing as being retroactively unclean by seeing actual blood it is therefore possible  make a decree that a stain also should have a law of being unclean retroactively. And that is 24 hours if she sees the stain not at the time of her cycle, and furthermore it goes back to the last time she checked even  more than 24 hours if she has no cycle at all. 

יש שתי תקנות. אחת היא עבור כתם. בלי גזירה זה אפילו לא היה מעיד על שום דבר כי דם אינו מטמא אישה אלא אם כן בא בתחושה. אז רק למצוא כתם לא יהיה כלום. אז עכשיו יש לנו גזירה. אבל זו גזירה שכתם הוא כמו לראות. ועתה אנו מבינים את הגמרא נידה שקושרת לראות שלא בשעת מחזורה בכתם. הנימוק הוא כזה: כשהיא לא רואה בזמן הקבוע היא טמאה אחורה בזמן 24 שעות ועכשיו כשיש דבר כזה שטמאה רטרואקטיבית בראיית דם ממש אפשר אפוא לגזור שגם לכתם צריך להיות דין טמא למפרע. וזה 24 שעות אם היא רואה את הכתם לא בזמן המחזור, ועוד זה חוזר לפעם האחרונה שהיא בדקה אפילו יותר מ-24 שעות אם אין לה מחזור בכלל.

[Of course, you can imagine I was thrilled to see people following the Gra and Rav Shach. Their yeshiva is on that path because the rosh yeshiva is a student from Ponovitch. [And maybe a direct student of Rav Shach also. I did not get that part clear.]]

 נפשו קשורה בנפשו that one person's soul can be connected to the soul of another person. This is a verse by Yaakov and Joseph. The fault is in that we have not valued this connection. Our mind have gotten in the way of our hearts.

In the West, this spiritual connection between fathers and sons is disparaged to the degree that ever father is portrayed in movies as evil.

I asked my learning partner what I can do for my children.

 I asked my learning partner what I can do for my children. He suggested a Torah lesson in the book of Rav Nahman that says when the father repents on his sins, that sends thoughts of repentance into his children. And I am a sure that is true. But I would like to make a different suggestion that is based on the idea that the environment is important. This was an idea I saw --I forget where, but I think it was Socrates. The best thing one can do for his children is to make sure they grow in a decent society.

[I can see now that my leaving Mir [one of the greatest Litvak Yeshivot] was in a decision that was somewhat irresponsible. I might have been enthusiastic about Breslov, but I guess it never occurred to me that the straight wholesome Torah path of the Mir  [or any Litvak Yeshiva] would have been better. Could I not see the difference? This of course does not imply any disparagement of Rav Nahman himself, but Breslov is quite different.