Reb Yaakov Abuchatzeira and his more well known grandson Bava Sali

Reb Yaakov Abuchatzeira  and his more well known grandson Bava Sali pretty well defined by their lives the basic approach of Torah. That is they were themselves fasting a lot and spending all their  days in Torah study. But they were not expecting the people in their cities to be doing the same. That is they were expecting nothing more or less than keeping the Torah in the most simple basic way possible without adding or subtracting any doctrines of beliefs or tikunim.  It is hard to explain the simplicity of their way when in the modern world often people pick up on some basic doctrine or practice to emphasize and forget everything else.
In Morocco every city had one חכם-wise man that was the religious leader and there the religious leader was usually in fact a פרוש  a person that  separated himself from this world and spent his time in learning and prayer and fasting.

I discovered myself the existence of Bava Sali a drop too late. But I did get to know his family to some extent. This family is still populated by very special individuals. And if you have one nearby I recommend going to any one of them and getting a blessing. It is worth the time and effort even if you do not see instant results.

Litvak {Lithuanian} yeshivas are important

The main reason that Litvak {Lithuanian} yeshivas are important is to improve character. They  are as far as intention goes doing the same thing that boy scouts were supposed to be doing before they fell into the dark side. That is it they are not just for learning Torah. This in part is connected with learning Musar. But that is not all it is. It is because there is an awareness that people are not automatically good. They need to be taught good character.

It occurred to me that there is a whole list of problems that are removed from one when he or she accepts the yoke of Torah

כל המקבל על עצמו עול תורה מעבירים ממנו עול מלכות ועול דרך ארץ from anyone who accepts on himself the yoke of Torah there is taken the yoke of the government and the yoke of the way of the world.

It occurred to me that this includes a whole list of problems that are removed from one when he or she accepts the yoke of Torah. And thinking about my divided thoughts about what course of action to take in my very bad situation would be included in the list.
But how does one go about ''accepting the yoke of Torah'' seems like a very difficult question. Most yeshivas that I am aware of do not let in people after the age of 24. So in any case, I would have to figure out how to increase my own learning time of Talmud. Plus there are the basic laws of the Torah related to being married. That clearly is not an area dependent on myself alone.
So I decided even this very simple thing--accepting the yoke of Torah requires prayer to merit to do it.

[The way yeshivas are run is problematic, but that reflects on the nature of people, not the nature of Torah. It takes a special kind of person to run a yeshiva in a kosher way. But that is not my problem. My problem is regardless of how any institutions are run, how can I accept the yoke of Torah?]

The only kind of yeshiva that is directed towards character improvement are Lithuanian types where Musar is learned. The other types have the opposite effect.


The truth be told even at yeshiva age this is not an easy question. Does accepting the yoke of Torah mean only learning Torah and forgetting about learning a vocation? Even though I decided to concentrate on Torah alone it seems to me today that learning a vocation is a part of accepting the yoke of Torah.

Next besides learning Torah is how to keep the Torah. This is even more confusing than the first question. I could say over my basic approach to halacha but that might not be much help for some people. My own approach to halacha is to learn the subject in the Talmud itself.

Isaac Luria

In the Torah every ''vav''in front of a verb is a ואו מהפך. It turns the tense from future to past and visa versa. This usage stopped by the time psalms and Ecclesiastes were written.  The reason modern Hebrew does not use the reversing vav is because it goes by later sources. That is they assume the Torah was written in a special way because it was given by inspiration from God, and does not tell us about the normal usage.
So what I think is the Torah means it both ways. Everything that did happen will happen. So when it says ויאמר אלהים יהי אור ויהי אור it means just like the literal meaning-- and God will say let there be light.  And so on for the whole Torah. When it says ייוצא השם ישראל ממצרים It means in the future God will save Israel from every troubling  times.

 What I am getting at is the idea that you have in the Isaiah "את השמים החדשים ואת הארץ החדשה אשר אני עושה the new heavens and the new earth that I am making."  and the idea that Israel goes through lots of periods of trouble. and you see in the book of Judges that God often sends some kind of person to help. So I think that these kinds of events in the Torah were not one time types of things but rather things that will continue to be repeated.

If you read Isaac Luria  this kind of idea might resonate a little more with you. It is kind of mystical. I don't mean that I am expecting a new earth. Rather a kind of spiritual light  and understanding that I think will come.

inspiration in Torah.

I found a lot of life and inspiration  in Torah. The way I see Torah is it teaches how to connect to the Life and the Good. That is after all what its says in Deuteronomy. "Behold I have put before you the Life and the Good (i.e. the Torah)." There is a deal you can't turn down. And to some degree I can justify this. But I do not deny there are people of the highest caliber that can defend other paths]

There have been only a few times in my life I was desperate enough to spend time begging God for help

There have been only a few times in  my life I was desperate enough to spend time begging God for help. This is one of them. I am in a situation in which I do not know whether to move or not.. What makes this difficult is that usually when I have moved in the past I was making things worse rather than better. So even though this situation has been going on like this for two years still I have tried to depend on God in this way: I say to myself if He wanted me to move then he would make it happen. If He does not force the issue then He does not want it.


There have been other time when I was absolutely in need of some kind of salvation and I was answered. And sometimes not. When I was growing up there was a time of great turmoil in the USA. The idea of seeking the truth was in the air. This was in Southern California. And once on a vacation with a friend of my mothers we were up in the mountains [maybe Big Bear]. I asked God then while alone in some forest area to guide me towards Truth. [With a Capital "T"]. I think to some degree this prayer was answered. Afterwards I began to study Torah more what we were doing our home. After  a few years  I believe God guided my steps to two very great yeshivas --Shar Yashuv and the Mir in NY.

And the marriage aspect if the yeshiva world is a major factor.

I meant to explain the social aspect of the yeshiva world a few essays back.

And the marriage aspect if the yeshiva world is a major factor.

But this does not mean this works without belief in the importance of learning Torah.

You cant recreate the yeshiva environment without this basic belief. The attempt to do so is why there are so many cults out there.

While is true that just a drop of learning Torah does not seem to help,  still  if  I had been part of the yeshiva world, then I would  be happily married today. I took myself out of the yeshiva world.  But that does not mean to door back is open.  I can't rejoin the yeshiva world in any realistic way. 

Rejoining the yeshiva world is impossible,  I myself try to learn a little Torah every day and I also pray a little asking God for his help in my own words. And this is about all I can advice others also. Learn a little Torah every day, and try to tell God in your own words how sad you are that you have fallen and you can't find  help anywhere and everyone you know has rejected you. Tell this to God every day and ask him for forgiveness and guidance every day for as long as you live. I believe someday you will start to see things change for the better.