On choosing a good wife.
Is she a good follower? Or does she constantly buck authority when a decision is made. How she interacts with authority is a good indicator, especially with her father.
Generally speaking, the “actions” of someone are a fair indicator of the state of their heart although I would state that attitude is a better indicator. Heart intentions always lead to actions. If there is good fruit from the actions, then it’s most likely their heart is in a good place.
However, actions can indeed be deceptive. This is why when you vet for a wife I suggest mainly vetting for character along with actions. How do you vet for character?
Character is really only revealed in difficult and/or morally compromising situations. Thus, the “real” person you’re looking at is:
- What they do when they’re angry?
- What do they do when they’ve been proven wrong?
- When they are at fault do they apologize and make amends or double down?
- How do they react under pressure filled situations?
- Are they gracious and humble?
- What do they do when someone is harassing them?
- How do they treat the people that do bad or evil to them?
- How does a girlfriend react when she’s angry with you AND you ask her to do something?
- Does she actually “follow” or retain control by “letting you lead?”
These are the types of things that are difficult but reveal a mature character:
As we live in first world countries, there are not many instances where actual life threatening difficulties befall us. Hence, we need to be vigilant in understanding that the few places where you can view someone’s character is what they are really like underneath the surface. Do not brush character concerns under the rug as these are the types of things that come back to haunt you.
What type of attitude do they take in all of these situations?
In marriage there is much good, but there’s always going to be difficulty. How are they going to respond to that when things get rough? Are they going to quit or reveal their bad character like they did in certain circumstances prior to marriage? Or are they going to reveal their good character, tough it out, and submit to God and to you?
Attitude reveals the heart’s desire. Are they for God AND for you, or are they against you? Sadly, women can be for God and against you because they can be deceived. You need to make sure that this is not the case, and that she will not persist in such a deception.
Finally, is she teachable and does she learn from her mistakes?
In marriage, both the husband and wife will grow and change over time. The most important thing is if she is teachable and willing to learn from her mistakes and not make them again.
If she is unteachable then it’s a waste of your time. Likewise, if she repeats the same mistakes over and over… you know what the Proverbs has to say about a fool and his folly.
These types of things are partly revelations of character. Teachability and learning from mistakes is a critical factor because these are some of the concepts that underlie repentance. She may be good otherwise, but can she also display these traits when she is with you. That is the question.
