The Torah is not at all exclusive about who can come to true holiness. It does give objective standards, but as far as the Torah is concerned, anyone who fulfills those standards graduates.

(1) Accepting the yoke of Torah is not the same thing as being "Davuk"(attachment)  to God --but it is close.

(2) Some people think their feelings of a spiritual high are automatically classified as being "Davuk" to God. But as a rule,- feelings of spiritual highs are not from the realm of holiness. These come from counterfeit Torah, and counterfeit spirituality. And counterfeit spirituality can be awesomely powerful; and in externals it can look and sound just like real Torah.

(3) Accepting the yoke of Torah does not automatically lead to true devekut ((attachment)) but it tends to protect from the false kind of spiritual highs that are common in the religious world.

(4) Devekut is a part of Torah. The reason it is legitimately ignored by the Litvak world is because it so easily decays into its opposite, and the fact that it has a short half life.  But attachment with God is in fact one of the 613 commandments. [It is mentioned twice in Deuteronomy as being one of the three purposes of the Torah which are to come to (1) Love of God, (2) Fear of God and (3) Attachment with God. ]
(5) But a spiritual high is not the same thing--but it can be from the realm of holiness. It is what is called numinosity. But a spiritual high can be from (1) holiness or from (2) its exact opposite or (3) some mixture of the two (as usually happens to people when they enter into spiritual practices). They get caught in the Intermediate Zone.

(6) One difficulty about all this is the fact that the Torah is not at all exclusive about who can come to true holiness. It does give objective standards, but as far as the Torah is concerned, anyone who fulfills those standards graduates. גדולה לגימא שמשרה רוח הקודש על נביאי הבעל. "Great is bringing in guest for it brings true prophecy even to false prophets."
This idea is brought in the Gra on Shir Hashirim chapter 2, and in a Midrash mentioned in the Talmud that is a set of statements given by Eliyahu the Prophet to an Amora. [It is a well known Midrash, but it is not the same as Midrash Raba or Midrash Tanchuma.]

(7) That is to say the giving of the Torah is a one time event in history, but the standards it sets are set in stone,-- objective morality. Anyone that fulfills its conditions gets the prizes.
Being a part of any group does not count towards holiness. It is how one acts that matters.

(8) The standards of Torah are well defined in the classical Musar books. Musar is not a purely Litvak thing. The daughter of Bava Sali was telling me how important Musar is, along with the basic books of Rav Joseph Karo.
(9) Good character is the basic thing Torah wants. This is explained best by Rav Sar Shalom Sharabi in his Nahar Shalom on the Eitz Chaim.

בבא מציעא יד: The case is there is a מלווה a לווה and a לוקח of a שדה from the לווה. In case of default on the loan the לוקח collects his improvements from בני חורין of the לווה and the essential price of the field even from משועבדין of the borrower. תוספות asks why is there a second sold field? Why did the מלווה not collect from it? Perhaps we could prove from this "מה שאקנה יהיה משועבד לחוב הזה" is not valid?
The רמב''ם in fact answers the question of תוספות  that in fact property that the borrower buys after he received the loan is not obligated unless he wrote it own explicitly.  That is obligation is considered to exist even if he did not write it down, but not for future property.
That is how רב שך explains the  רמב''ם. That is-Rav Shach asks that the Rambam says מה שאקנה משועבד and yet here he says future property of the לווה is not משועבד. He says the Rambam means this last statement for when שיעבוד was not written down.
The two essential הלכות in the  רמב''ם are in הלכות מלווה ולווה פרק י''ח ה''א ופרק י''ט ה''ח
In פרק י''ח ה''א the  רמב''ם says property that the borrower acquired after the loan is not משועבד to the loan.
In פרק י''ט ה''ח he says in a case the the מלווה wrote to the לוקח שני "I will not collect my debt from property you buy from the לווה" that the מלווה can not go collect his debt from the לוקח ראשון because the first buyer can say to him "I left free property of the borrower  for you to collect your debt from." That means the borrower had two fields at the time of the loan and he sold the first one and then the second one.
If the מלווה says to the first buyer דין ודברים אין לי עמך I will not collect from you, he can still collect from the second buyer and then the first buyer can collect from him. [The reason is that at that point the second buyer will try to collect his debt from the first buyer for his loss of the field.] But the opposite way not.
Though I had written that to the  רמב''ם the lender could collect his debt from either field that would have to be only in the case where the borrower had written explicitly what I will buy will be obligated to this loan.

בבא מציעא יד: המקרה הוא קיים מלווה לווה וכן לוקח של שדה מן הלווה. במקרה של ברירת המחדל על ההלוואה הלוקח גובה את השיפוצים שלו מבני חורין של הלווה ואת המחיר הקרן של השדה אפילו ממשועבדין של הלווה. תוספות שואל למה יש שדה שני? מדוע המלווה לא אסף ממנו? אולי נוכל להוכיח מזה "מה שאקנה יהיה משועבד לחוב הזה" אינו תקף? למעשה, הרמב"ם עונה על שאלת התוספות, שלמעשה הרכוש שרכש הלווה לאחר שקיבל את ההלוואה אינו משועבד אלא אם כן כתב זאת במפורש. שיעבוד טעות סופר. שיעבוד קיים גם אם הוא לא כתב את זה, אבל לא עבור רכוש עתידי. ככה רב שך מסביר את רמב''ם. שתי הלכות הנוגעות ברמב''ם הן בהלכות מלוה ולוה פרק י''ח ה''א ופרק י''ט ה''ח. בפרק פרק י''ח הרמב''ם אומר כי נכס שהלווה רכש לאחר ההלוואה אינו משועבד להלוואה. בפרק י''ט ה''ח הוא אומר במקרה שהמלווה כתב אל לוקח השני, "אני לא אאסוף את החוב שלי מהרכוש שאתה תקנה מהלווה" כי המלווה לא יכול ללכת לאסוף את החוב שלו מן לוקח ראשון, כי הקונה הראשון יכול לומר לו "הינחתי רכוש חפשי של הלווה לך לאסוף את החוב שלך". כלומר, ללווה היו שני שדות בזמן ההלוואה והוא מכר את הראשון ולאחר מכן את השני. אם המלווה אומר לקונה הראשון דין ודברים אין לי עמך (אני לא אאסוף ממך), הוא עדיין יכול לאסוף מהקונה השני ואז הרוכש הראשון יכול לאסוף המלווה. [הסיבה היא כי בשלב זה הקונה השני ינסה לאסוף את הפסד שלו מן הקונה הראשון על אובדן שלו בשדה.] אבל ההפך לא. למרות שכתבתי  שלדעת הרמב''ם המלווה יכול לאסוף את החוב שלו מאיזה משני השדות זה  רק במקרה שבו הלווה כתב במפורש מה אני אקנה יהיה מחויב הלוואה זו.

The Tosphot in Bava Metzia and also in Bava Batra clearly are not going like this Rambam, but in what ways is not clear to me this minute.This is an area that requires more work.

The New Moon and "seeing is better than hearing."

It seems to me that  ראש חדש ought to be calculated according to the actual time of the מולד. One reason I have already mentioned comes from סנהדרין ד''י ע''ב that several אמוראיים say that  ראש חדש is not dependent on the court. This goes along with  the opinion of ר' אלעזר בן עזריה  that if the court does not sanctify it on time, they sanctify it from heaven. But a further reason comes from the fact that a person that murders in front of a court is killed because דלא תהיה שמיעה גדולה מראיה. That is, certain kinds of things do not depend on the court knowing them through hearing. If they know the facts from a more accurate source of information (e.g. if they saw the events themselves), that is even better than hearing. There  in סנהדרין ע''ח ע''א where תוספות brings this it only says that seeing is better than hearing. But to me it seems the same idea applies.  You can see this from the מלחמות of the רמב''ן where the רמב''ן brings this idea about קידוש החודש specifically. [See האבי עזרי של רב שך  הלכות סנהדרין פרק י''ד ה''א where רב שך  brings these מקורות.]
[That is to say even if there was a Sanhedrin that sanctified all future new moons there is no reason to think that meant the present day calendar which was only adopted later in the time of the geonim.]





נראה לי כי ראש חדש צריך להיות מחושב לפי הזמן בפועל של מולד. סיבה אחת כבר הזכרתי בסנהדרין ד''י ע''ב, כי כמה אמוראיים אומרים כי ראש חדש אינו תלוי בבית המשפט. זה הולך יחד עם דעתו של ר 'אלעזר בן עזריה כי אם בית המשפט לא קידשו אותו בזמן, הם מקדשים אותו מן השמים. אבל סיבה נוספת נובעת מכך שאדם שרוצח בחזית בית המשפט נהרג כי "דלא תהיה שמיעה גדולה מראיה". כלומר, סוגים מסוימים של דברים אינם תלויים בשמיעת בית המשפט מעדים, אלא בראיה. אם הם יודעים את העובדות ממקור מידע מדויק יותר, למשל אם הם ראו את האירועים עצמם, זה אפילו טוב יותר מאשר לשמוע. שם בסנהדרין ע''ח ע''א תוספות מביא את זה. אבל יש להעיר  שזה אומר כי ראייה טובה יותר מאשר לשמוע. אבל בעיני זה נראה אותו רעיון. אתה יכול לראות את זה מהמלחמות של הרמב"ן שבו הרמב"ן מביא את הרעיון על קידוש החודש במיוחד. [ראה האבי עזרי של רב שך הלכות סנהדרין פרק י''ד ה''א שבו רב שך מביא את המקורות של: שלא תהיה שמיעה גדולה מראיה

It seems to me that the new moon ought to be calculated according to the actual time of the conjunction.

It seems to me that the new moon ought to be calculated according to the actual time of the conjunction. One reason I have already mentioned comes from Sanhedrin page 10 that several amoraim say that  the new moon is not dependent on the court. this goes along with r the opinion of R. Elazar Ben Azariah that 'If the court does not sanctify it on time , they sanctify it from heaven." But a further reason come from the fact that a person that murders in front on a court is killed because דלא תהיה שמיעה גדולה מראיה that is to say certain kinds of things do not depend on the court knowing them through hearing. if they know the facts from a more accurate source of information e.g if they saw the events themselves, that is even better than hearing. There in Sanhedrin 78a where Tosphot brings this, it only says that seeing is better than hearing. But to me it seems the same idea applies.  You can see this from the מלחמות of the Ramban where the Ramban brings this idea about Kidush Hachodesh specifically. [See Rav Shach's Avi Ezri הלכות סנהדרין פרק י''ד ה''א where Rav Shach brings these sourses.]

accepting the yoke of Torah

So in essence --the way it looks to me today is my major problems have been from simply not accepting the yoke of Torah and trust in God.
Even though there are for me lots of "קושיות" on this path, but I figure that the unscrupulous people that misuse the path of Torah do not present  a real question on it, and that I ought to simply get back to the straight and narrow path. [Gemara and Musar]
That is more or less based on the Mishna in Pirkei Avot כל המקבל על עצמו עול תורה מעבירים ממנו עול מלכות ועול דרך ארץ "The yoke of the government and the yoke of the way of the world is removed from him who accepts the yoke of Torah".

Not that this takes care of everything. Sometimes there comes a time when you stop praying and get up and do what needs to be done. "מה תצעק אלי דבר אל בני ישראל ויסעו" 

 When the Jewish people were at the Red Sea and calling to God for help God said to Moshe Why do you call upon me/ speak to the children of Israel and tell them to MOVE.
However though my own mistakes in leaving off learning Torah seems is clear, how to share this information is not since since most teachers of Torah are really just plain terrible people. They to me do not seem to follow Torah at all.

The entire religious world is basically a large bunch of cults. Even though they all claim Torah, there sadlly is little there that is kosher in any sense of the word.

My own approach is based on a statement of the sages אין יסורים בלא עוון. There are no troubles without sin. But when I try to figure out what exactly are my sins I do not get very far. Some things definitely seems to fit the bill  but they contradict other actions that also seem to fit the bill.

I have actually made a sort list on this blog a few times. But since I anyway have trouble identifying what exactly are my sins, I fall back to another statement of the sages. פישפש ולא מצא יתלה בביטול תורה One who has troubles should examine his deeds. One has examined his deeds and not found anything, should attribute the problems to lack of learning Torah.
[Essentially my sins seems to be leaving the straight path of Litvak Torah. I.e. the Gra's path.]



In any case what I think are the major causes of sin are that people join cults, and then their whole world view changes. Straight Torah no longer holds the charm it once did for people that join cults.
And the entire religious world is basically a large bunch of cults. Even though they all claim Torah, there sadlly is little in the religious world that is kosher in any sense of the word.



[The major issues for me are certainly Bitul Torah. For even when I got to Israel which was a great step up, I slacked off in learning Torah. I also did leave Israel eventually which I think was a terrible sin.]

[This is not intended to disparage kosher places built on straight Torah like the yeshivas that go by the Gra. The trouble is straight simple Torah is hard to hold onto.]

T87 A Major    [T87 in midi format]