I have tended to "conflate" {mix up} trust in God with trust in the yeshiva system. I went to yeshiva thinking that God would provide for parnasa issues [making a living issue].
This probably would have worked if I had stayed inside the system. But to some degree I think I lost this confidence in God and instead started trusting in the system itself. I might have continued in this illusion if not for the yeshivas themselves proving untrustworthy. [Or the people running things.]
The Lakewood Kollel did not throw me out, but very much encouraged my wife to leave me because of my sin of learning Torah for its own sake and not using it to make money. So we see we ought to make a distinction between מתיבתא דרקיע and מתיבתא דארעא- The world of yeshiva in heaven and the word of yeshivas on earth. [Very often religious people have megalomania. A kind of insanity in which they are the center of the universe and control the universe.]
That does not mean any of the principles of the Torah ought to be doubted. Rather that "people are people." That is: a highly degenerate offshoot of primates.
Still there are great lessons to be learned. Lesson One is: Trust in God has to be trust in God--not in the system.
Lesson Two: That it is important to learn a vocation for the times when one falls from absolute confidence in God or when God hides his Face and things do not work out as well as one expects.
It is possible also to make a note that the yeshiva system as such is only a loose confederation and depends on charity. As such, the rules are fluid, and each institution itself depends highly on the actual person running it.
One suggestion was made to me by Avi Preder to simply have "Batei Midrash" houses of study. But that would seem to lack the benefits of having an authentic Lithuanian yeshiva. The truth is I do not know what it all means, or how to fix things, or if things can be fixed.
So for myself, I would like to have my own personal space where I can learn Gemara (Talmud) and Musar (Ethics) in private, and not depend on people's kindnesses. But even getting to that point, I have found is hard.
And just walking into yeshivas to learn did not work out very well (to say the least). And the further problem is the whole yeshiva model has given rise to numerous cults that pretend to be real yeshivas, but are in fact destructive cults.
In short, I have found the whole yeshiva world to be highly troubling, and in fact it raises many more questions and problems than it seems to solve. It might be an idea to take money out of the equation. But I wonder if that would help much. The places that are authentic probably should be supported like Ponovitch.
It could be the Mizrachi types of places are the best idea: Torah with a vocation.
To make a general rule seems impossible. The best bet is to sit and learn Torah yourself Gemara and Musar-and forget about institutions.
[I am not recommending any particular path or yeshiva here. Just sit and learn Torah and try to keep it as best you can. And avoid the cults and their leaders at all cost.]
This probably would have worked if I had stayed inside the system. But to some degree I think I lost this confidence in God and instead started trusting in the system itself. I might have continued in this illusion if not for the yeshivas themselves proving untrustworthy. [Or the people running things.]
The Lakewood Kollel did not throw me out, but very much encouraged my wife to leave me because of my sin of learning Torah for its own sake and not using it to make money. So we see we ought to make a distinction between מתיבתא דרקיע and מתיבתא דארעא- The world of yeshiva in heaven and the word of yeshivas on earth. [Very often religious people have megalomania. A kind of insanity in which they are the center of the universe and control the universe.]
That does not mean any of the principles of the Torah ought to be doubted. Rather that "people are people." That is: a highly degenerate offshoot of primates.
Still there are great lessons to be learned. Lesson One is: Trust in God has to be trust in God--not in the system.
Lesson Two: That it is important to learn a vocation for the times when one falls from absolute confidence in God or when God hides his Face and things do not work out as well as one expects.
It is possible also to make a note that the yeshiva system as such is only a loose confederation and depends on charity. As such, the rules are fluid, and each institution itself depends highly on the actual person running it.
One suggestion was made to me by Avi Preder to simply have "Batei Midrash" houses of study. But that would seem to lack the benefits of having an authentic Lithuanian yeshiva. The truth is I do not know what it all means, or how to fix things, or if things can be fixed.
So for myself, I would like to have my own personal space where I can learn Gemara (Talmud) and Musar (Ethics) in private, and not depend on people's kindnesses. But even getting to that point, I have found is hard.
And just walking into yeshivas to learn did not work out very well (to say the least). And the further problem is the whole yeshiva model has given rise to numerous cults that pretend to be real yeshivas, but are in fact destructive cults.
In short, I have found the whole yeshiva world to be highly troubling, and in fact it raises many more questions and problems than it seems to solve. It might be an idea to take money out of the equation. But I wonder if that would help much. The places that are authentic probably should be supported like Ponovitch.
It could be the Mizrachi types of places are the best idea: Torah with a vocation.
To make a general rule seems impossible. The best bet is to sit and learn Torah yourself Gemara and Musar-and forget about institutions.
[I am not recommending any particular path or yeshiva here. Just sit and learn Torah and try to keep it as best you can. And avoid the cults and their leaders at all cost.]
